Tuesday, 5 July 2011

Recurring Dreams....

Ever since my Dad died two years ago I have had a recurring dream. The main "story" of the dream is always different but intertwined within there is the fact that "they" got it wrong and my Dad is not dead. He is back with us, but is still ill and is going to die again.

In the dream I wonder how "they" could have got something so wrong, and how it was discovered that Dad is not dead. The overwhelming emotions are relief that he is back and great sadness that I have to watch him die again.

I wonder what this dream means? I think that it might be because I feel that there were unresolved, unsaid things between us - more specifically from him to me.

A month or so before Dad died he was taken to hospital and I took that opportunity to give him a letter in which I told him what a wonderful childhood I had had, shared some memories with him and told him how much I loved him. I know he read this letter as my Stepmum told me, but he never mentioned it. Apart from saying to my sister and I "You are good girls" he never opened his heart to us before he went.

I hoped maybe he would leave us a letter but he didn't and I think this is the reason that I have this upsetting dream.

Apologies for being so solemn, I did think twice about sharing this but I want this blog to be *me* - completely not the edited version.

I do have something lighter to share with you though - another homemade bag:

OMG, it was a PIG to make!! I broke 12 needles as some of the layers were so thick and although my machine is pretty sturdy it did not want to play!!

I really like it now though, I just love the Cath Kidston print (and another CK tea towel label to make it look authentic!!)

S x


  1. I had a recurring dream when I was little, you know the kind when you need to dial 999 but the phone isn't working properly and you keep getting 9999 or something just completely wrong? It was one of those, and they really upset me. I hope your upsetting dreams stop, though I don't know how you'd go about it *hugs*
    Wow, what a lovely bag! :)
    Ashley x

  2. Maybe the dream is your mind coming to terms with your sadness that your Dad didn't respond to your letter and giving you the hope that he still might. Perhaps, after some more time, you will come to terms with the fact that it is just a dream and that he never can say what you want him to. Many men are brought up to be undemonstrative and your Dad was probably one of those - but it doesn't mean that he didn't love you just as much as you loved him and told him in your letter, but he just couldn't risk telling you his feelings in case he was unable to control the tears.

  3. wow i love your sample wallpaper idea- i saw a wonderful patchwork chair just like your wall- very inspirational your blog ;0)

    love the bag too ;0)xx

    p.s sometimes amazingly wonderful things happen when you least expect them- i really hope this happens to you ;0)

  4. p.s.s my grandfather never told my mother he loved her- she always wanted him to say it...he would hug her at a distance, i know deeply she just wanted to hear those 3 words...when he died at the age of 90 she found her sweet childhood drawings near his pillow ;0) and some of mine too ;0)x
    sometimes people are funny old beings and dont say the important things, but if you look at the bigger picture you can see the love they have without words x

  5. oh sarah your daddy story breaks my heart a little bit. you tried though. and fantastic bag, by the way! your skills amaze me.

  6. Such a sad dream, I suppose you just have to remember the good times because that's all you have now. I spent this morning reading through your pretty blog..I love your duct tape dummy..made me chuckle...I would need at least a dozen rolls if I were to attempt it for myself!! Love the CK bags, you're a genius. Have a great week. I am having awful problems with commenting on blogger at the moment and so will leave this on anonymous but I am Dev aka Fairyglade.blogspot.com if you fancy stopping by sometime.

  7. actually bought a tear to my eye reading this as i lost my dad 9 years ago, being a different geneation men didnt say how they felt so much they get embarrassed if you know what i mean all i can say is your dad after reading your letter was probably the most proudest and happiest dad in the world xx

  8. I was going to say the same really, that men of your Dad's generation found it hard to share feelings, it wasn't the done thing to wear their hearts on their sleeves, so he probably wouldn't have known even HOW to express himself, but your letter would have meant the world to him Sarah, no doubt about that.
    I think saying what he said about you being good girls says alot about how he felt and how proud he obviously was of you.

    I love your new bag! How talented you are with your machine. It really looks great!


  9. Ahhhhh darling, thanks for sharing that with us. Must be awful for you. Last night I dreamt of my grandmother (we were very close) who died last Feb very suddenly. I dreamed she was her younger self and we hugged, moving around in circles like a weird slow dance with everyone watching. It was like we all knew she had died and had come back to do this with me.
    I woke up feeling very emotional. So I can't even begin to understand how you feel re your dad.
    You are such a wonderful, talented person. Perhaps he took it all forgranted that you needed to know how he felt. Perhaps he thought you would already know.
    I love that bag. Very clever girl. Can I have your skills please
    x x x x

  10. hi, thank you for the follow and yes looked back at your kitchen and you lucky thing having room for the big one ,i love them as aga style to will keep an eye on ebay also you kicked me into doing a little job i have been wanting but not sure if to do i have a corner yellowy pine looking unit and want to paint it having plucked up courage as thought might have to strip but going to follow what you have done if it looks good will post when done x

  11. Sarah...i think your dream is the Universe and your dad's way of giving you a chance to do the 'moment' over. When you have it again, TELL your dad what you wanted to say, what you said in the letter. Wait for his reply. My dad often comes to me in dreams and talks to me. He can still hear you .... and you him, in your dreams. Try this and KNOW that he heard you! Peace, Jeannie

  12. It seems to me your dream could be reminding you of your unresolved emotions about your Dad- yes he has gone ,but the feelings you have for him haven't ( nor should they!)
    It is interesting that you wrote a letter rather than speaking to him, and maybe him saying that you were good girls was his way of saying he loved you and enjoyed seeing you grow up?

    Anyway love the bag- I would definitely abandon any project that broke more than 2 needles! But defo worth the extra effort you put in.

  13. Well, never one to be short of things to say, I find myself a bit lost for words. But my heart goes out to you. And you've actually got me thinking about some unresolved stuff with my Dad. I think I should have a gentle talk with him before it's too late.



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S x