Wednesday, 22 June 2011


(For some reason Blogger won't let me upload photos, I've tried though Picasa, from my laptop and with a direct URL to no avail. I am not happy).

Two years ago today I lost my Dad for what felt like the second time when he lost his battle with lung cancer.

On my wedding day....

The first time I lost him was when he and Mum separated when I was 15 and he changed from what I would have described as a perfect father to someone we did not even recognise.

He had gone from a father we were both (my sister and I) very close to to the complete opposite.

We would see him once every couple of months or so, but the affectionate, tactile Dad I had known was gone. Even so I loved him very much.

Just after Christmas 2007 Dad, my Stepmum (who is just 4yrs older than me) and my little brother (who at the time was just 3) came to visit and it was then that Dad told us that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer.

Fishing - W with J (my little brother) and Dad
Summer 2007

He endured months of chemotherapy and luckily was not made too ill by it. He kept his hair, was just a bit nauseous and would still potter around doing the things he loved gardening, cooking, fishing. 

I would make the 120 mile round trip to visit once a week or so to help fetch my little brother from school and so on and in summer 2008 we all enjoyed a holiday together in France.

On holiday together 2008 - still quite well

In the Autumn Dad started radiotherapy and it was only then that he seemed ill, it took it out of him and he lost his hair. He needed a stick to walk and we visited more often.

In some ways the way he died was best as there was no long drawn out ending but at the same time it was so sudden it came as a shock to us all.

On the Thursday we had gone over as we had arranged to take Dad fishing in the afternoon, but when we arrived Dad said that he had been told at the hospital that morning that he could not have any more chemo and "that was it".

We had a meal together and things we very subdued. On the Sunday it was Father's Day and we had planned a BBQ but Dad wasn't up to it and instead my sister and I visited for a couple of hours. Dad was in bed and had a little bit of a rattly chest.

That evening I rang to see how my Stepmum was as I hdan't spent any time with her that morning and she said Dad's chest had taken a turn for the worse and they were on the way to hospital.

Dad died the following morning with all the people who loved him best around him. 

Seeing my five year old little brother come to see Dad after he had gone nearly broke my heart....

It was 22nd June 2009, five days before his 61st birthday.

1973 with me in the park

Daffodils grow in heaven, Lord pick a bunch for me 
Place them in my Dad's arms & tell him they're from me 
Tell him that I love & miss him 
When he turns to smile, place a kiss upon his cheek & hold him for a while 
Because remembering him is easy, I do it every day 
There's an ache in my heart that will never go away.... 

S x
(Sorry for the doom & gloom, normal service resumes tomorrow....)


  1. I'm sorry for your loss Sarah. Losing loved ones is such a hard thing to cope with. We have a family member battling with Cancer at the moment and it's heartbreaking.

    Big Hugs

    Vanessa xxx

  2. Oh Sarah I've just had a good cry reading that. I'm so sorry too, for your loss xx

  3. sarah this is your blog, write or say what you want, girly! sorry about the yucky sucky reality of life's pain.

  4. Me too. That is utterly sad. I am so sorry you've been through two very hard times losing your dad.
    Sending you much love over the wires.
    I lost a friend to cancer and she left behind a 3 year old son. I wish there was a day soon that they would find a cure.
    x x x

  5. So sorry for your loss. I hope today can be a day of happy memories for you, as well as remembering the loss
    take care

  6. I see no doom and gloom in your post Sarah, just a daughter who is missing and remembering her Dad and the lovely memories she has of him. I think talking about a loved one we have lost is a very important part of the grief and healing process and thank you for trusting us to share you inner most thoughts.
    Sending you love and hugs,
    Anne xx

  7. So sad to read about your Dad Sarah. I lost mine 16 years ago to a terrible disease.
    I miss him so much, so I can really relate to how you feel.

    Take care

    x x


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